


A small moment in eternity

by kiimigi



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fantasy, Fantasy AU, Haru is the grimm reaper, M/M, Makoto is just a human, Rin is a incubus, Urban Fantasy, haru is omnipotent which was suprisingly fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 09:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15660843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiimigi/pseuds/kiimigi
Summary: He should have let him drown. Things would have been simpler that way. But when are things are straight forward when it comes to things like love.In which Haru is the Grimm reaper





	A small moment in eternity

It was summer years ago. Haru watches from the banks, his jeans getting muddied. the child is drowning. The child makes grabby hands at him, his eyes pleading. Haru walks away.

_Darkness was all there was. The waters stretched out to the horizon, looking more like obsidian than liquid. The sky which was not the sky was equally so. A shadow shifted, black on black. It reached forward, formless and tangible at the same time, plucking at a thread, a maestro plucking at a violin string, a note ringing out clear and sharp. The shadow looked at the web stretching before him, intricate and tangled and intertwining. There was something wrong. He could feel it. He looked out to where the glossy darkness curved into the horizon, ripples creasing the black waters, gentle but growing more violent._

“Haru” _The voice was quiet, muffled by distant but echoing louder and louder calling him by that name. The shadow whose name was Haru stood, the shadows dripping of him to reveal something more solid. He stretched out stiff limbs. His brow creased as growing waves lapped at his now ankles. But he turned his attention away from it and blinked rapidly, clearing his vision._

“You weren’t listening to me were you? _Again_ ” Rin said, leaning forward across the table. Haru’s lungs which were not used to being lungs filled up with air, feeling more _material._

“I was” His voice flat and distant. Haru blinked, the sun too bright and blindly after the Dark Place.

“Yeah, then what did I say?” Rin said, his voice testing.

“Your anniversary is tomorrow. You were worried about how to celebrate” His voice still flat but could have been interpreted as snark. It wasn’t that he wasn’t listening. He was always listening. It was just who he was. It was like a lens sharpening, he could blur or sharpen his focus but he was always _there_. He sometimes forgets that being present everywhere and every time could be a hard concept for humans to comprehend. “I don’t understand why you think I would have any suggestions, considering who I am”

“Forget it then” Rin rolled his eyes, making a show of it behind his shades, slouching back against the seat and crossing his arms “it’s weird when you do that, you know, blink out.”

They were seated at the outdoor seating area of a café, a small quiet place. There was a soft undercurrent of chatter and tea cups clinking around them, the handful of other customers too busy to notice the two boys in the corner seat. The two boys who weren’t quite exactly boys.

“Hey Rin” Makoto is making his way to them, pulling a notepad out of his apron as he reached their table. The server on the other hand was exactly what he looked like, with his soft brown hair and kind eyes. His entire being seemed to light up when he saw Rin. Only as if an afterthought does Makoto look at Haru, genuinely shocked to see him“Oh hi Haru, sorry I didn’t see you there”

Haru just shrugs and mumbles something non-committal. Makoto’s smile is unaffected before his eyes magnet back to Rin “Just the regular please. Haru wouldn’t need anything again” Rin said

“Are you sure, Haru?” Makoto said, looking up after he’s finished writing.

“I’m fine, thank you”

Rin’s hands snakes up, curling his hand into Makoto’s. Makoto turned beat red “Rin, remember what I told you”

“I know, I know, no flirting while you’re a work but I really can’t resist. You’re too cute” Giving his hand another squeeze “and I won’t really consider this flirting, you should see me when I’m trying” Rin purred.

“Rin” makoto whined, glancing behind him.

“I know, I’m sorry, babe”

Rin lets their fingers brush apart as Makoto walks back into the café, his eyes lingering on his back. Rin manages to tear his eyes from his boyfriend’s to turn back to Haru with a cheesy smile. Haru rolls his eyes, mimicking Rin.

Haru glances around the room, at the bowed faces typing over a computer, people having a late afternoon lunch. Haru sees the cobweb of threads, tracing them with a finger. He sometimes sees a head poke up and look their way, look at Rin.

Rin, was the more attractive of the two. Even with his dark shades hiding most of his face. If anything it only made him more alluring. He had pulled his long red hair back into a pony tail. His clothes carefully styled to look effortless. The half-smile was a permanent feature, like he was pleased with the world or knew a dirty secret.

Haru sat across from Rin, plainer in comparison. He wore a black parka which swallowed up his form, his skinny legs hugged by black ripped jeans. Some would expect a few piercings. But there was something _just_ off about him. His face too pale, his jet black hair too inky with too blue eye.

Haru would catch people stealing stares at them, most wondering what a person like Rin would want to hang out with Hau, would want to be Haru, before shaking their heads forgetting what they were thinking about in the first place. Trying to remember Haru was like trying to remember a dream. So sure of it one second and the next you were trying to remember what they were trying to remember. It didn’t bother Haru either way. It doesn’t matter because they all saw him eventually, not always wearing a black oversized coat, not always calling him by Haru. He had many names. He had been called many different names through different times. The Moirai. Azrael. Shinigami. The Grimm Reaper.

“Enjoy, boys” Makoto said as he placed a plate of spaghetti in front of Rin, earning him a sweet thanks babe

“Are you sure I can’t get anything for you, Haru?” Makoto said, turning to Haru again. Rin’s hand snakes around his waist. After a brief moment where it looks like Makoto is arguing with himself, he lets it rest there. Rin looks too pleased with himself.

“I’m fine, thank you, Makoto”

“He’s just a picky eater. Don’t mind him, Mako” Rin said and sneaked a wink towards Haru.

“I was wondering when you were going to be back.” Makoto continued “Rin gets a little lonely without you to keep him company-he kept complaining-"

“Babe-“Rin whined. It’s his turn to blush, embarrassed like he’s been caught in the act.

“Sorry, Rin.” Then shrugs “You know how he is,"

“yeah” Haru smiles a little

“well call me if you need anything” Makoto said. With one last peak at Rin, he slips back into the café and disappeared behind the counter.  Rin’s digs into his pasta like a starving man. Haru watched him eat. Haru sits with his feet flat on the ground and his hands neatly tucked between his lap. He sat unmoving and unblinking, watching as time flowing in slow motion and fast forward for him.

Only when Rin was half way through his meal does he look up, pushing up his shades from where they’d began to slip down his nose with the back of his hand, showing a quick glimpse of the red they hid.

 “Those two” Rin head nods to a pair walking down the street. One was slightly taller than the other and talking lively. Haru had visited one of their mother a few years earlier. The other hadn’t received a visit from him yet but soon.

“Don’t you think they’d look good together? They look like they’d have fun.” Rin said.

“Not everybody has to be dating”

“In my world they do” Rin said waving his fork at him, his cheeks stuffed with noodles. Rin was a starving man in some sense. He was always hungry despite constantly snacking. Using food to keep his mouth busy, keep the nagging away. He was always hungry because he wasn’t eating the correct food.

“When was the last time you had a proper meal” Rin looked up, knowing that he wasn’t talking about his spaghetti.

“Me and Makoto’s relationship is fine if that’s what you’re asking”

“I’m not.”

“It was last week if you want to know so badly.” Rin said. He picks at his food, rolling a meat ball around with his fork. He’s softer the next time he speaks “He was sick for a week the last time I fed from him regularly. I don’t want to risk hurting him again. You know it’s draining and Mako has his limits.”

“Then don’t limit yourself. It may not be healthy for him to be fed on regularly but it’s also not healthy for an Incubus to feed so little. It’s not like he’s the only one you can feed on.”

“why? Is this your way to ask for another kiss?” Rin slides again, his eyes half-lidding and cocking his head to the side. “Nothing ever quite satisfied me like you did, didn’t have to eat for weeks after. But I thought you made yourself very clear about-“

“ _You_ kissed _me_ ” He knows Rin is messing with him and Haru felt the trickle of irritation remembering that night

“And you made sure I never got seconds” Rin said licking his lips. “but you do stupid things for the people you love.”

Rin doesn’t say anything for a long time after, ending that discussion, and the pair had disappeared around a corner. Rin sighs and haru knows the Anniversary is still nagging on his mind “but what if he thinks im not putting enough effort in”

“He’s not exactly high maintenance. I’m sure he’ll enjoy anything just because it’s you. You’re just overthinking things”

“I thought you said you didn’t have anything good to say about the subject” Rin said, his eyebrows quirking over the rim of his glasses

“I don’t. I just know you and I know Makoto.”

_There’s something wrong. There’s a throbbing deep in his gut. It’s dull, not exactly painful but persistent and there. A muffled crash of waves echo in his mind as waves now thrash against his waist, pushing him back_

This was something that Rin liked doing. Something he like doing _together_ he had stressed it wouldn’t be the same if alone doing. It’d be weird by himself he had said. It didn’t really matter to Haru. It was just something Haru did. He watched the same way humans would watch a movie or play make belief with dolls, objects. Eternity stretched on between each second for Haru. In a blink of an eye, Haru would have visited them and their names long forgotten.

Rin wasn’t alone for long anyway. He attracted attention. Rin was used to being seen, loved being seen. He needed people to love him and he drank it all up. People loved seeing Rin too. He’d smile from behind his sunglasses, and they’d blush and look away quickly perhaps embarrassed at getting caught staring but would always peek back. The fire in his eyes growing brighter with more eyes on him.

_Somewhere else far from the cafe, glass doors slid open as Haru walked into a hospital, hands hidden in the pockets of his jacket. No heads rose. Haru walked down the long corridor, nobody asked for his name or the patient he was visiting. He walked like he knew the place._

 “I’ll go pay” Rin said when he was done eating. Haru hums.  Heads turned to look at Rin as walked by, goggling him as he slide up to the counter, leaning at the waist.

Haru slide out of the chair, his hands finding his pockets. He waits outside, weight even on his feet. Rin takes longer than necessary. His attention drifts back to the Dark place. The threads whip around in unfelt wind, building to something. Haru tries to clamp down on it.

He peeks into the café, through the large window to catch the last of the kiss that Rin that he had sneaked. Makoto flushes, suddenly red as Rin pulled back, who sticks his tongue out playfully. Makoto responds by quickly shooing him out of the store. Rin swaggers out and with one last wave goodbye turns back to Haru. Haru blinks. As they walk down the street, Rin is sipping at a drink, holding it from the top. Haru catches something sweet and personal written on the cup that Rin doesn’t let Haru read.

 “Don’t look at me like that. That was a good food, I was just thanking him and getting some dessert on the house.”

“I didn’t say anything”

“well I’ve got places to be, people to see” Rin laughed “I mean, people who actually want to see me.” Rin winked at him before adjusting his shades back up his nose, he turned on his heels whistling down the streets, hands in his pockets and sipping his drink

The glass doors slid open as Haru walked into a hospital, hands hidden in the pockets of his jacket. He stood out against the scene, his dark coat contrasting the pure white walls. Yet no head rose to greet him. No staff called him or eyes peaked over magazine or interrupted nervous pacing. Haru walked through the long twinning corridors, passing identical looking rooms. Surefooted like he knew the place. He caught glimpses of scenes as he passed. People who’d he visit in a few weeks, who he was visiting now. He stopped at a door.

The young man looked smaller than he should be, trapped in that hospital bed. He sat propped up by pillows, his tilted away from the Haru, looking to some distant point outside the window. The book he had been reading lay forgotten on his lap. His teal eyes drooped, tired and dulled. His dark hair thinning.

Haru hovered by the doorway until the young man noticed him.

_Somewhere far away from the hospital, two boys who weren’t quite boys sat outside a café, watching as people passed them by. Haru sat still watching Rin eat, his tongue poked out to lick the corner of his lips._

The young man, whose name Haru knew was Sousuke, looked shocked when to see him, even a little confused “Um, I think you have the wrong room”

“I have the right room. You’ve been waiting for me for a long time now, haven’t you”

The young man narrowed at him, watching him as he walks around the bed. Sousuke’s eyes widen when he realized who he was. Then they soften again, sighing. Haru wondered what must be going through his mind

“So no scythe?”

“No”

 “You’re right though, I have been waiting. Though I always imagined you differently. “ Sousuke shrugged “after they start talking in months, you don’t really have a choice but to start thinking about it” He said with soft laugh. Haru nods. It makes his job easier “you’re prettier than I thought you’d be”

“Thank you” His voice was flat, no true feelings behind his words. It didn’t matter for long. Haru could feel the thread’s end coming closer and closer now. It had been getting thinner for a while now.

“You must be in a rush, though. You probably have other people to see today, no time for my rambling” Sousuke said, thumbing at pages of his book before flipping right to the end, reading the last page, seeing how the story ends. He could probably imagine now the rest went on his own.

“Not really” Sousuke’s thread still had some material to it, clinging on and spreading out. Sousuke looked both surprised and relieved, letting out a breathy laugh as his shoulders relaxed.

“In that’s the case, would you mind, chatting for a bit?” Sousuke said “I don’t get a lot of visitors these days”

Haru nodded, slipping into chair by his bed. The sun filtered in from his window, warming the room as the curtain flowed gently in the wind. Haru listened to Sousuke talk, his voice deep and mellow. He told him about the nurses that worked there, his friends from school that he used to have, the friends that don’t visit anymore. He told him of his dreams, all the ‘what if’s and ‘should have been’s. He had lived his life standing in the back ground of a photograph, waiting for the moment to shine which never came. Haru listened, still and feet flat on the ground, his hands in between his lap. Haru was not fully there and completely there at the same time.

 “Who are you talking to Yamazaki-kun?” A nurse said, poking her head through the door.

“Just talking to myself.” Sousuke said. She tilted her head curiously but just as she was about to leave, Sousuke quickly said “Thanks, by the way. I’m not sure I ever said it. Tell the others for me too please” she smiled, her eyes crinkling.

_The dull throbbing suddenly jolted sharp and painful through his head. Haru’s eyes blowing wide more at the shock of it than the pain. His_ _coat and hair whipping around him as the unfelt wind grows more frantic. Haru raises his hand to guard his face. Waves beat into him, nearly taking him under._ _He rubbed his temple, his brow furrowing. Why now? He could try to control it. just for a little longer. But he was running out of time._

_Rin was kissing Makoto over the counter._

“You okay?” Sousuke said, leaning toward him “You kinda blinked out there for a bit, I thought…”

“I’m fine. I was just with a friend. But something…something is going to happen and I don’t know if I made the right choice” He isn’t sure why he’s telling Sousuke this. It’s not going to matter for much longer. Maybe that’s why.

“It’s weird giving you –you know –the Grimm Reaper advice but take it from me, you’re more likely to regret something you didn’t do more than something you did. Because at least you tried to make it work right?”

 “Do you regret anything?”

“Too much. Sitting in bed, it gives you too much to yourself. It can really eat at you”

Haru nods but the feeling doesn’t let go away.

“Can I ask one last thing? It’s kinda stupid but I always hoped that I’d die in my sleep” Sousuke said, looking away, embarrassed. Haru nodded again and Sousuke’s shoulders sagged and looked relieved. He looked too small.

The sun had sunk, painting the walls orange when Sousuke finally falls asleep. Tears finally leaked out the edges of his eyes, rolling down the sides of his cheeks. His breathing deepened and slowed. His lips parted, his features relaxed. His chest rose slower and slower….Haru slide out of his seat, leaning forward over the bed. He pushed Sousuke’s hair off his forehead, resting his fingers lightly there. Warmth creep up his arm before it grew cold. The thread finally ends and Haru ties it neatly off.

It was quiet in the room. Sousuke had friends he missed, things he wished to do, a life he could have had. Haru pulled the sheets up further up to his chin. His parents who outlived their son would cry for extra time. Friends would come from across in the country. They put a picture up in his room, they choose a picture of when he stills looks healthy and he doesn’t look so small.

_It was summer. Children’s careless laughter mixed with the relaxed gurgling of the river. A small boy sits alone by the bank. The grass is soft against his knees as he peers into the water. His eyes glowing with a child’s simple wonder as small silver fish dart in the flow, shimmering in the sun._

The process was not always so simple.

Most tried to hide from him, sometimes for years. Running when he found them, kicking and screaming and crying.

“Fuck off” Rin spits “I know what you are. You can fuck right off” The first time he meets Rin it should have been a non-event. Haru is used to people running from him.

Haru walks down the dark alley way behind the dive bar, neon lights rippling in a dirty puddle. Rin is just a figure sprawled amongst the garbage, blood seeping through his fingers. Haru studies the wound. It’s too much for even his kind to regenerate from easily. Perhaps he played around with someone’s girl, crossing the wrong people. It didn’t really matter. Haru sinks to his hunches, eye level with Rin. Rin batted his hand away when Haru leans, his eyes burning. He looked so feral, a cornered animal’s last useless effort, the will to live so hardwired in their DNA. Rin kicked and screamed and cursed, teeth coated in blood, blood mudding the water.

“You can make it easier for yourself. it doesn’t have to hurt”

He had lost his shades, his burning eyes in full view. The flames roaring and crackled as Rin glares at him. Haru expects him to swear again but suddenly Haru is being dragged forward by the front of his jacket, crashing into Rin. He’s being kissed.  It’s clumsily and hungry, teeth clacking together with nips at his lip. Haru falls back into a puddle. Rin actually laughs before passing out, his eyes fluttering shut. His heart still beating stubbornly in his chest.

Haru’s eyes narrow after he over comes the shock of it. Something tingled in his chest, close to irritation. He follows as Rin is brought to the hospital, lurking in the shadows hoping that maybe he’d let go during the night, just a slip and Haru’d be there to cut his thread. But still his heart beats on, each green pulsing line felt like an insult him. It was still dark when Rin’s flickered open, his head lolling to look at him. Haru wasn’t a boy this time. His spiralling horns scrapped the ceiling, his black beak was sharp and prehistoric and deadly, his body a dark mass of shadowy feathers.

“You looked better the other way” Rin said, his voice coarse from the drugs. Haru growls low and threatening, his feathers ruffling in the darkness. This only made Rin laugh, like he was proud of himself, but it dissolved into a cough, short and pained. Haru ruffled his feathers again, flapping his wings, the tips of his wings crashing into the wall “Okay, okay I get it, sheesh” Rin said guarding his face. Haru stops and Rin relaxes in the bed again but he looks more wary then before. Good. “What’s with that expression? Thanks for the meal though. I’ve heard of Death’s kiss or the kiss of death or whatever but didn’t imagine anything like that. Feels like I’m on the best high of the century.”

Then Rin suggests that Haru never thought would actually try to keep “Maybe I’ll take you out for dinner sometime, show you what an incubus can do.”

Irritation turned into intrigue as Haru followed Rin’s thread back and back. He was like Haru in some sense, just letting nature take its course.

The air was heavy with sweat and lust. He saw Rin slumped on a plush couch at the back of a club. His head lolling back, rolling loose in its socket, his shirt hung open. His arms sprawled across the back rest, limbs pliant and boneless, warm bodies tangled over him, hard to tell where one stopped and another began. This was his natural habitat, the perfect place to hunt his prey.  Men and women fell over each other for a second of his time. Rin bathed in it the scent of perfume and strobe lights, feeding on the attention and bliss. It really made him blossom. His eyes glowed so bright that his shades barely hide their fire.

But that had all changed when Makoto came.

Haru had replayed those scenes over and over again trying to make sense of it. Makoto had somehow collared him and brought him to heel, trapped wildfire in a bottle. Now Rin’s eyes flickered a subdued amber, like glowing coals. Rin smiled more though.

Haru blinks without eyes and focuses the lens again. He stays in the shadows this time, not bothering to form something more solid, his vision vignette around the edges.

Rin is flittering around the small apartment throwing rose petals around and lighting candles. He’s preparing a rich meal for Makoto, laying out the table with a bottle of cider. It was one of the first things he did for Makoto when they started dating.

Makoto comes home not too long after, pulling Rin into a tight hug the second he sees what he’s done. They share a simple intimate evening, exchanging soft words over dinner, clinking their glasses together. They dance around their apartment, cheesy and energetic, giant smiles with easy laughter. Their movements slow to a stop as the music end. Makoto’s hand slid up Rin’s cheek, tucking a hair behind his ear. Then slid onto his glasses.  Rin’s hand stops his. He’s shaking. Makoto kisses his temple, whispering to him and Rin nods. His glasses slid off his nose, and Rin’s looking at his shoes but slowly he peeks up to Makoto, his eyes ambers.  Makoto is shocked at first but then smiles, filled with acceptance. Rin looks like he’s going to cry. He’s smiling. He hides in the crook of Makoto’s shoulders, holding each other for so long swaying, whispering sweet nothings to each other. 

They had grown close when he wasn’t looking, growing closer than he first imagined, slowly and intimately, tripping and stumbling. They fell in love in the in between moments too easy to miss, in the small everyday gestures, the small touches and in the words unspoken during comfortable silences. Actions not even noticed but the feelings felt lingering for days after. Testing and teasing the boundaries, afraid to make a mistake. Having Makoto was easy. Rin was a natural magnet, he could have anybody he wanted. But being with Makoto and Makoto alone was the hardest thing Rin has ever done.

Rin catches Haru’s eye, narrowing his eyes as if he can sense he’s there. Haru shifts in his shadows, pulling out of the room. He doesn’t go far, only retreating outside, up into the roof of the apartment. He materialises again, sitting on the railing, his legs dangling off the edge. He jacket flutters in the wind. Below him the city had illuminated, cars streams of light, lights glowing from houses, slowly winding down for the night. He doesn’t know how long he sits there when he hears the door behind him.

“What are you doing here Rin? Shouldn’t you be with Makoto?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Grimm reaper. You little stalker.” Rin settles in next to him, folding his arms on the railing next to Haru.

_Rin is flushed as he runs to the park bench. He’s younger now, his hair not so long yet, his features not so sharp. He’s bubbling and unable to shut up about the boy he had just met. Haru hadn’t understood. Rin always met a lot of boys. Its different Rin said in the tone that he used when he was frustrated at Haru. Haru had just hummed. Smiling means happy. Rin had tried to explain with words that meant nothing in the context. He had given up trying to explaining it to him. Haru said yes when Rin asked if he had a chance._

He remembered when Rin first stated to sneak into Makoto’s day and his dreams. Makoto was the only one that he invited not only into his bed but into his home.

Nobody was close to Haru. Not even Rin. How could he be? It was like trying to measure eternity. You could only be able to catch a glimpse, a fraction of its terrifying vastness.

Haru felt wrong.

“Doesn’t it hurt? Being with him” The dull throbbing still aches through his entire being. The sharp pains had stopped though. For now “Don’t you miss how things were back then?”

“From time to time” Rin said.  He’s fiddling with his glasses in his hands. He hadn’t put them on since Makoto took them off “Don’t get me wrong being with Makoto hurts like hell. Some days I’m so damn hungry I can’t think about anything. But it’s like wearing heels, hurts like hell but feels so good, you know. To have someone, to belong to someone, being with him its worth more than all those years.”

Haru hums, he can’t seem to form words.

“Somethings up isn’t it” Rin said

 “It’s nothing”

 “Don’t give me that. It feels like you visit less, sometimes I actually have to think about what I call you. I like talking to you, your insufferable and monotonous and literally death but yeah, I like hanging out with you. I just hope that you feel the same way, Haru”

Rin had given him that name. He’d been called many other names, much worse and not as kindly. There had been others of course before Rin and there probably will be after. But he’s not the only. There are some others even now. Rin at this point is longest. There had been once a boy with blue eyes and jet black hair and who’s ashes been long spattered.

Raindrops pinked the top of his head and darkening the ground. A light drizzle fell from the heavens, threatening to thicken. He hadn’t noticed when it began, hadn’t been concerned enough too. The weather had greyed and people were already rummaged through their bags, umbrellas popping up and people’s pace quickening. Haru sat unmoving as raindrops tapped against his jacket.

“This rain is gross. It’s going to mess up my hair” Rin was already standing, frowning at the sky before tucking his shades into his pocket “I should head back. Makoto will start to worry.” Haru hops off the railing.

Pain crashes over him so sudden it nearly knocks Haru off his feet. He slips for a second. _He’s nowhere and everywhere and in the Dark place._ He can’t focus on anything. _It keeps slipping through his fingers._ It’s the feeling from earlier only amplified tenfold.

 “Haru?”  He latches onto Rin’s voice, holding onto it like an anchor ”What is it?”

“Nothing” He keeps the pain from his voice “Happy anniversary Rin. Tell Makoto for me too” Haru flips his hood up, shadowing his face.

“Oh yeah, go away for this next part. And I’ll know if you’re there. Pervert”

Haru drips into shadow

It was summer years ago. The afternoon sun is blazing in the sky. He’s in a small sleepy town where the boy grows up. His brown hair is shorter than it is now, his green eyes still hold their boyish roundness.

The boy pokes a finger into the water, the cool water licking at his skin. The other town kids’ high pitched screaming laughs mingle with the flow of the river as they chase each other around, throwing mud at each other. The boy who Haru knows as Makoto glances over from where he kneels further down the bank, both a little shy and a little intimidated. Silver fish dart and school in the water, shimmering as they zipped through the water. The stream isn’t very deep, it shouldn’t have. But the summer had flooded the small stream and weakened the banks. It had all happened too fast. He had been distracted for just a second, a laugh too much like a scream from up the bank. He had slipped, the loosened bank crumbling under his foot.  He fell with an explosion of water. The water greedily grabbed at him. Choking him as water rushing into his mouth and gurgled any of his cries. He’s being dragged down down down even as his reaches for the surface. He’s going to die.

His thread thins and thins, and Haru thumbs the end between his fingers. Makoto’s eyes plead at his distorted figure, smeared by the water. Makoto makes grabby hands at him, like when a child wants to be picked up. Haru stares at him, unmoving. Makoto’s eyes flutter shut, small bubbles escaping his small mouth. There’s a familiar feeling, a constant feeling that he knows means the thread is ending.

Rin hadn’t met Haru yet, but Haru still remembers him, stubbornly and insistently impressed onto him. He sees Rin surrounded by a tangle of bodies. He sees Rin with Makoto, close and blushing and there. Makoto is the exception. He sees them smiling. Haru feels wrong.

Slowly Haru stands. Then he walks away. The boy’s thread stops, but doesn’t break then keeps going. The small boy sputters, coughing up water.

Something is wrong. Haru can already feel it. It starts slowly, a small nagging at the pit of his stomach, slowly becoming more insistent as it travelled up his body, into his hands, up his throat. Then everything hits in a tidal wave, his world shifts beneath him. He crumbles to his knees, his knees hitting glassy water. He tries to clamp down on in, hands pressed hard against his mouth but he’s gagging on water, forcing its way out of his mouth until he’s dry heaving.

All around him, the dark water thrash below him in stormy waves. The threads whip around in unfelt winds, howling at him. He’s trying to keep a form. Pain, sharp and insistent, makes Haru cry out, screams ripping through him as he writhes on the floor, hands fisting in his hair. He takes whimpering breathes as shadows pour from him as he filtering through forms, out of control.

Haru squeezes his eyes shut. He tries to focus, to sharpen the lens again. But he can’t. He only gets half way. The world is blurry, the focal length too short.

He stumbles up the road. It’s raining and he’s drenching even seconds, his hair matted to his skin. Cars zoom by. He sees Makoto before he sees Haru. Makoto blinks his direction, his umbrella held above him and Haru hopes that he’d keep walking, letting Haru fade into the shadows, forgotten like a dream but Makoto smiles and waves. Pain crashes through him, he squeezes the bridge of his nose, trying to stay upright. Haru takes a step back. “What‘re you doing here Haru?” he’s holding the umbrella over Haru. His own shoulders darkening as he gets rained on. He feels suddenly claustrophobic, trapped under the umbrella. Makoto’s huge, he’s a head taller than him and broad, but he never learnt to use it against people. He was such a small child after all. Haru doesn’t say anything, doesn’t have the strength to, he can already feeling his form slipping, dripping off him like melting ice. He bites his lip holding on. Just for a few more seconds.

“You should go” Haru managed to croaked out, his voice not quite human

“What?” Makoto says then actually sees him. He must look horrible “Hey are you okay, you look really pale?”

“I shouldn’t have done that”

Haru felt the stretch, like seams pulled too tight, just about to break. Makoto’s wearing different clothes now, a green sweater, brown jacket. The anniversary was days ago, maybe months maybe years. Makoto looks older. Haru doesn’t know, he doesn’t know. His legs give out on him and catches himself before he falls.

He hears Makoto call his name, echoing and distant in his ears “Hey Haru stay with me-you’re alright maybe Rin-“

He hits Makoto’s hand away when he reaches to help him. Makoto actually looks hurt, clutching his hand to chest

“I-I’m sorry”

“You should go back to Rin. While you still can”

“What?”

It’s a freak accident. The scream of tires as they slip on wet road. Everything goes in slow motion and all at once. Makoto shouldn’t have been there. But he Makoto is, pushing him out of the way. When Haru, braces himself on his elbows Makoto is on the ground. Blood mixed with rain water. His arm an angle it shouldn’t be.

Blue and red flashing lights.

_His thread grows thinner._

They’re in a hospital. Rin is there.

Rin slams into him the moment he bursts through the door, ramming his fist against Haru’s cheek. Haru falls back, catching himself on the wall. Rin doesn’t stop coming at him, tears pouring down his cheeks, his shades gone and his eyes glowing a hot red.

“What did you do?”

_His thread stretching thinner and thinner and thinner._

 Haru’s chest hurts, his head hurts and it’s not because of the punch.

Haru shakes his head, slowly at first then faster and faster, frantic “I didn’t know what to do-Rin-I don’t know what I did”

“Stay the fuck away from him” He’s grabbing his jacket, shoving him through the corridor of the hospital. Away from Makoto.

“Cant” Haru manages out

“You’re not taking him from me”

Haru squeezes his eyes shut. He touches Rin, pressing his palm to his cheek “Rin please, stop, just calm down. I don’t want you to get hurt”

 “What?” Haru seeps just enough and Rin’s eyes flutter, fighting against him. He’s fighting a losing battle his hands weakly clawing at grabbing at his jacket like a little kid. He’s crying weaker now, begging “please Haru, please don’t I-“

 “I’m sorry-I really am. Please understand. I’m sorry.”

Rin’s eyes slip shut, his head lolling back and Haru shifts his weight, holding onto him so he doesn’t fall. He lowers Rin gently down onto the floor, cradling his head. He seats next Rin. He doesn’t want to get up again. He feels so heavy, a weight pressing down on him. He whispers a good bye. Then a thank you. He turns to Makoto, his heart heavy, shadows drift off him.

The water are calm again. He sags panting. The weight is still there. It would have been easier. He did so many things wrong. He should have never saved Makoto from drowning. He should have never let Rin kiss him. And yet his only regret is that the ending wasn’t as happy as the in between. He wished he could have said a proper goodbye to Rin.

He doesn’t feel. Not like humans do. It would be simpler if he did. There isn’t even a word for it. Humans were so fleeting while he stretched on for eternity. He was terrifying to even consider the length of it. But no matter for how short Makoto had meant something to Rin. Rin had meant something to Haru.

In a blink of an eye, Rin was sitting on his porch. Haru visiting for the first time in many years, Haru still in a heavy dark parka as the cherry blossoms fall. There was only a faint recollection in Rin’s face, it was like remembering a childhood memory, the details all blurry, memories from different times patching together and tangled and confused but the feelings tied to them was still so clear.

He can’t say he wouldn’t meet someone like him again. But he could be selfish one time. He had seen Makoto and Rin. Saw their future together. They didn’t matter. They were a speck in a desert. It was the same way humans don’t mourn every ant they step on or how a child played make believe with dolls. Humans were nothing but objects to him. At the same time, people were not cruel to their possessions. Quite the contrary, they take good care of them, they put in effort to maintain them and give it the care it needs because it’s _theirs.’_

Haru was a faraway witness, the world speeding past him, like sand through fingers. What were a few grains of sand to a desert? What were seconds in eternity? But a few second for him was worth years of happiness to them. Was it worth it?

Tears ripple the black waters

There’s a bench in a graveyard. A boy who’s not quite a boy sits on a bench. He sits too still, like a statue with his feet flat on the ground. His skin is too white against his dark hair and heavy parka. Nobody calls him Haru anymore. He watches a funeral from afar. The gathered a dark smudge in the distance. He doesn’t notice him until he’s right in front of him. Haru looks up. His edges are worn down by age, his red hair catching the light, styled differently. He still wears the same shade, the faint glow behind the tint.

“Hey” Rin clears his throat to mask the hurt that is clearly there, even now. “I know this may sound weird but… do I know you? I feel like I’ve seen you here before” Haru doesn’t want to be here, he wants to drift into nothing. He wants to watch Rin eat as they talk. Wants to see Makoto’s generous smiles. Wants to hold him tight and apologize although he doesn’t know him and wants to make things right even though it’s impossible. Haru shakes his head.

“No”

**Author's Note:**

> But this was so fun to write! Writing an omnipresent character is my new favourite things to do but it also kinda hurts my brain thinking about how everything is happening at the exact same time for Haru. But that also affects the story in (hopefully) interesting ways.
> 
> I couldn't get the voice quite right but oh well
> 
> But I hoped you enjoyed it! as always kudos and constructive criticism is always appreciated and make my day :D
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr


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